


Dependence

by imsoglitter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Conflict, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Major Spoilers, Uncertainty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 05:39:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13229187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imsoglitter/pseuds/imsoglitter
Summary: A look into Kylo Ren's conflicting feelings about the scavenger girl Rey





	Dependence

Her outstretched hand is reaching towards him, and her eyes, oh those soft, kind, wonderful eyes, are asking him, no, begging him to take it.

Moving almost against his own will, he slowly, meticulously, pulls off a glove.

It feels like she is right there with him, right there in the ship. And it feels like he is there with her, wherever she is.

He looks deeper into her eyes. Not her mind. He doesn’t have the strength for that. Or the desire. In them he sees determination. She is set in her ways, she wants to bring him back. And more surprisingly, he sees that she wants… him.

He reaches for her, hands inches, then centimeters apart. And slowly, oh so slowly, the gap is bridged.

The pads of her fingers are gentle against his own. Calluses from years of scavenging rub against his own softer hands, always protected by layers of cloth and leather.

In her eyes and in her hands, he finds something. Something he has never felt before. He finds home.

But it is not to last. She turns her head sharply, and he follows instinctively. She screams before the connection is lost, and the last thing he sees is the flash of a blade.

  
  


It is not much later now, but the moment is so ingrained in his memory it feels like it was years ago. He has spent hours going over every detail, painstaking in his desire to remember it all.

He finds himself in a similar position as he approaches her now. She’s panting, strands of hair sticking to her face, as she stands in the aftermath of the battle. Red armor litters the room, and Snoke’s cooling corpse does nothing to lighten the mood.

She looks at him. “The fleet! There’s still time to save the fleet!”

He hears her, but the words mean nothing to him now. Now that he’s destroyed a second master. Now that she’s given him a reason to.

“Ben?” she asks softly, and he flinches at the name he had abandoned so long ago. Her eyes are filling with confusion.

He realizes he is breathing heavily too. “It’s time to let old things die.”

Her brows are knitting with concern.

“Snoke, Skywalker…”

Her shoulders are growing tense as he approaches further.

“The sith… the jedi…”

Her hands are shaking, whether from the battle or his words, he is uncertain.

“The rebels… Let it all die. Rey…”

He extends his hand, like she had that night.

“I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy.”

Her expression changes from concern to hurt.

“Don’t do this Ben,” and he can tell that every word is killing her. “Please don’t go this way.”  _ He _ is killing her.

He is consumed with rage at her inability to see. She of all people! She was the one who was kind, she was the one who saw him and didn’t flinch. She wasn’t supposed to be looking at him like that. Not with sorrow. Hatred, he could stand, but not her look of betrayal.

“No… No  _ NO!  _ You’re still holding on! Let go!” he demanded.

But the hope her eyes had held was rapidly vanishing, as tears welled.

In anger, he spoke on.

“Do you want to know the truth about your parents?” his voice was dripping with a venom he instantly regretted.

“Or have you always known?” He continued softer, trying to cushion the blow.

She sniffed gently. Her face was lit up by the explosions outside, and in the destruction she was beautiful.

“You’ve just hidden it away…” he said, still advancing, and he began to do something he had promised himself he wouldn’t do. He began to read her mind.

“You know the truth,” he said, coming to a stop inches away from her. “Say it.”

She remained silent. He could feel her conflict, her desire to, but her need to deny it.

“Say it.” he prompted again.

“They were nobody…”

“They were filthy junk traders, who sold you off for drinking money,” The pain in her eyes in unbearable as tears stream down her cheeks, but he can’t stop himself now.

“They’re dead. In a pauper’s grave in a Jakku desert.”

Her hands are tightly balling, then flexing, and he can tell he’s gotten to her core.

“You have no place in our story. You come from nothing. You’re nothing.”

The killing blow.

Her eyelids flutter in acceptance as he repeats the mantra that’s been going through her head since her crazy adventure began. She had been able to silence the voices when they were her own, but hearing him say it out loud? It became too much to deny.

Then in the gentlest voice he could muster, “But not to me.”

She’s torn, searching his face for an indication that he’s lying. It wasn’t like him to be so straightforward.

He reached for her again.

“Join me.”

Her eyes flick between his gloved hand and his eyes. She’s uncertain, and her hesitation breaks him. He is begging her, pleading with her to stay with him. The only thing that was ever safe. He couldn’t afford to lose it now. Not now, not with the most important moments of his life on the horizon. They were moments he wanted to spend with her at his side.

And then, a glimmer of hope. Her hand twitches at her side, and slowly raises towards his. He has never known such adoration for anything before this moment. But in his rejoicing, he is blind. She manipulates the Force and his grandfather’s lightsaber flies toward her hand.

He notices with barely any time to stop her. He stands there, arm outstretched, and they reflect each other. He matches her power, still afraid to hurt her, even after all she has done.

She is straining, and it is starting to drain him as well. She gives one final push of will, and the deed is done. The hilt snaps, and the blast knocks them both backwards.

 

He awakes to an angry Hux.

Rey is gone.

He is lonelier now than he has ever felt before in his entire life. He was prepared to give her the world, and instead she took everything from him.

Inside him is a storm made of sorrow and rage. A storm she had once calmed, but now fuels.

He thinks back to that night when they touched hands, but something in the memory has changed. Her eyes are no longer kind and hopeful. They are sorrowful, and they follow his every move. He can feel them as he orders the attack on the dregs of the rebellion. He can feel them as he battles Luke. And he can feel them as he enters the base.

He steps into a room, and crouches, noticing a glinting on the floor. His cloak pools around him.

She is standing in the doorway of the ship, and sees him.

He looks at her.

She stares, and her gaze is indecipherable. Then the door shuts and she is no more.

He does not move.


End file.
